Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Movie review : Snatch

In a nutshell:
Snatch is one of those great movies you might have never heard of. Its IMDb rating is very low according to move, because the majority of IMDb voters are spineless, drama-loving, half-witted wankers. Come on, with ‘Shawshank Redemption’ at number 1, they got to be. This movie is riveting, engrossing....no, I will not use these bullshit words that do not mean a damn thing. It is simple - if there is an impending apocalypse and a zillion zombies are outside your door and you have got your pregnant wife and 5 year old infant to protect, what do you do as a man? You stop whining and watch Snatch. The movie speaks for itself.

This is a literally neutral movie review. So, if anyone has any views that suggest otherwise, then I will be your ‘nemesis’, as explained by Brick Top, in ‘the greatest movie on Earth’ aka Snatch.

Characters in the movie

The Director:
Guy Ritchie is simply comparable only to Guy Ritchie. I do not want to muddle his sanctity by using words such as awesome and legendary to describe him, 'cause frankly, these words have lost their meaning, due to being used everywhere by bloody stupid Barney Stinson fanboys. He got interested in movies after seeing ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’. But, he decided that he will not go to a fancy Film Academy, as he felt they made extremely boring movies in the name of art cinema (Ship of Theseus, my arse) and are generally filled with over-hyped blundering nitwits idolising Deepa Mehta. Then and there, he decided he will make ‘real’ movies and not some pathetic artsy crap.

Mickey O'Neil, played by Brad Pitt, getting punched in the face

The Masterpiece:

Snatch is what astute students of cinema, would call a caper flick. It has a bloody good ensemble cast, wherein each character has a limited screen time. There is no main piece, or a main protagonist or villain or that sort. This is a sort of movie which has a whole load of unrelated characters and storylines, all of which some together at last, in a sort of a funny way. It is a total laugh riot.

Snatch is really sublime and contains no sex jokes or toilet humour or any other form of cheap American comedy. This is pure British classic deadpan, with a lot of accurate stereotyping. It contains all the various characters you would find in the criminal underbelly of a typical cosmopolitan city, like London. There is your renegade former KGB agent, now working for the Russian Mafia, a former football hooligan running a sort of a hard man operation, your archetypal crime boss and a couple of small time crooks, all thrown into the mix.
All these people and more of them, combine to give you a sort of movie experience, wherein, you think ‘how in the bloody hell did the bloody director mix all these disparate storyline to give a coherent film’. This movie is chaos theory in working. It will stay in you hard-drive forever. Whenever you fell bored and got about 10 minutes to kill, you will watch a segment of this movie, just to hear the dialogues. You will want to memorise its dialogues, and try out the accents in them.
So, get off the browser, go to DC++ and download the bloody movie, cause, if you don’t, what else will you do, if you have an impending apocalypse, with a zillion zombies outside your door, and you have to protect a pregnant wife and a 5 year old infant. You can’t be clueless and act dumb then, can you?

Brick Top, a gangster in the movie
What are you reading the bloody post-script for? Did I not tell you to go watch the bloody movie already? Chop, chop, times a wasting.

- Bullet-Tooth Tony